Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
