I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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