Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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