she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
