My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
