She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
