It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
