He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
