we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
