it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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