Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
