My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
