You work out of a Hotel?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
