my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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