Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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