the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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