Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
