i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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