11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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