Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
