I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
