Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
