I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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