Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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