I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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