You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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