I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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