its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
