We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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