If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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