So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
