I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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