OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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