You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
