I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize