exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
