random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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