She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
