he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
