We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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