while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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