I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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