Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you never un-have a 4some
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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