the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
