3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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