Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
