She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
