So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
