This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk is not a location!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize