I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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