He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
