dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
