Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
