Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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