No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
