guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
