the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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