I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
