have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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