its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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