I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This baby is an asshole
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
