he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
