i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
