Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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