Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
