I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish my penis had a tongue
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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