you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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